my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i think i scared a bird with my dick
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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