i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
