Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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