You can't motorboat a personality
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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