oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
