How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
