She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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