I am in a vortex of obligation.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
