So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
