I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
