she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
