Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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