worst night to have a conscience
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i came on her dog
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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