i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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