your parents love me but you hate me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
