I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
