I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
