omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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