we made out on top of his cat.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
