you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
