a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
