never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
