Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
