good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
