Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
