It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize