marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
is it fun? or sober?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
