Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
