There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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