Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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