Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
