i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
