i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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