So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Life is so much better after having sex.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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