I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize