you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
