Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
