I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
