drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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