Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
