Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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