she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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