dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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