So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
