ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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