i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
