They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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