i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
