dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
