I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
