The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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