Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
