I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
