I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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