Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
