she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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