I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Mom said you looked used
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
