Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
