He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am spending my child support on dildos
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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