Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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