I looked at my own cervix.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
