i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
