We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
