so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
