apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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