i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Randomize
