as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
