He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
