Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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