$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
