apparently the secret to your success is patron
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
