I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The air was thick with penises
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
