watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
