On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
