He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
