Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
