Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Boobs are out for the taking
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
