toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I will be naked everywhere
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
