You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
