Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize