He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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