i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
