____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
