Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
