The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Your penis caused this!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize