Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
