I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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