his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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