why do cheetos always look like penises
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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