does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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