You just made me feel so damn special
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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