and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
