We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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