Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i believe in u and ur pee
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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