Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I intend to get homeless drunk
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize