no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
