jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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