theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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