I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
