Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize