Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
