you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
