i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
