i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
